I can't stop thinking about rituals. If you do something enough will it lead you to understanding? Amy Thone talks about the importance of repetition for understanding text. That the repetition can be freeing. Liturgical churches will here the same stories over and over. Most religions are based in ritual even the most modern church service has the same structure of Worship, Prayer, Message.
If you do something over and over does it make it more true?
Or does it begin to lose its meaning?
When I was young and believed without care I loved communion. The tiny plastic cups of grape juice and tiny crackers. And then to wait for the exact moment the pastor told you to take the body of Christ. I felt like if I did everything just so, God would love me. It's like getting all the answers right on a test. There is something so satisfying in an easy answer. In checking something off your list. Find your faith? Check. Believe in God? Check.
But, now we know it isn't that easy at all.
I didn't really know why I was taking communion or what it meant. I just liked that it was something I could do well.
My world is much bigger and I question what makes my rituals any better than the rituals of the world. And how do I pick which ones are right for me?
If it feels good?
If it's difficult to do?
Who gets to decide that we bow before we enter the temple? What if I don't feel like it right now?
How many times?
I'm not a very patient person. If it takes too long I lose interest.
Maybe my ritual is the constant search.

Some claim that religion gives us morals.
But, Jordan believes in nothing and he is more loyal and kind to people and more "moral" and caring for the world than anyone I know.

It is nearly impossible for me to go to a church service on the weekend. I am realizing that although I really like the idea of it, it might not be something that is possible for me right now. I will definitely keep trying. And I will probably be able to go to one this week. But, most Sundays I work and then also have homework.
This week I want to explore rituals of all lands. I want to go to Catholic Mass and maybe one other ritual based service.
This week I will finish the 3rd draft of my play.
I can't put it off any longer.
Let's do it.