Dear Lord.

Please protect me and keep me.

I pray that I can be a playwright.

I pray that I am a success.

I pray that my nerves will not get the best of me.

I pray for understanding and hope.

I don’t want to be afraid.

I pray that people will listen to me.

I pray that you will hear me.

Please I want to know, I can’t be content anymore.

I need guidance.

I need answers.

How long?

How long do I have before I have to make a choice?

Everything feels misguided.

When I go to your church I feel like I am being criticized for the way I am.

But, I don’t want to change.

What’s wrong with me?

I don’t think it’s anything out of the ordinary.

Most of the time I like who I am, but you seem unable to accept it.

So I guess we’re at a stand still.

You don’t like me and I don’t know if I like you.

 Maybe we should take a break and re-evaluate this relationship.

If you’re willing to make some changes for me then I will try to do the same for you.

That’s what every good relationship is, right? Compromise?

I want to love you Lord.

I really do.

Amen.

What keeps us worshiping a God that is without answers? A God that picks and chooses. What makes people need a religion when they didn’t necessarily want one in the first place?

Oh, Death.

I am so damn afraid. I will die. We all will die. From our first breathe. That was our fate. How are we supposed to keep living! At one point I was promised eternity. Where is the comfort in that? The fact that I will die is just as puzzling as the idea of eternity. I’m not even patient enough to practice the piano and you think I will be patient with this? Just tell me what will happen so I don’t have to be afraid.

A sense of place and a sense of purpose. That is what worship provides. A church. A mosque. A temple. A place where like minded people go to worship their god through song and prayer. But what happens when you can’t find the people that you need. What if you need all of the people in all of the places of worship to help you find your way? One doesn’t seem to be enough for me. Will you be my people. Can we worship together right now? Even though it isn’t Sunday. Can we please ask the burning questions. Can we trust that our Gods will answer? Why do we even have to ask. We knew the answer all along.

I did five interviews this week. 

I'm sorry that I won't be able to upload all of them tonight. Youtube is taking a very long time to load.

Here are a few of them:

Sydney

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QPs547Vif4
Lucie
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4_chbiQdls
Kaitlin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mB12Fwp7lXI

While I had planned to go to the Sanskrit service this evening, for once I ended up working on something else besides this play. It happens to be another play, one that I am submitting for the New Works festival. But, there is a Sanskrit service every week and I will try to go to two services this week. I just wish that religious services weren't all on Sunday. Gaaaaaaaaah. But, maybe I can find a Wednesday mass. I know there is a meditation service at Seattle U. I will try to do that.
I found out last Wednesday that my play isn't being read in playwriting until after Thanksgiving. Which is a major relief, but it also caused me to get a little lax. I only wrote for three days this week, but I did come to some major conclusions. My last draft of my play is getting in the way. I'm going to forget about it for a while and write an entire new play. The if I feel like it I will combine them later on. I feel successful in my re-evaluation of my interviews. They definitely are causing me to personalize more within my writing. Kaitlin's really put me at ease. And Kayla's blew my mind. Did you know that there are atoms that only exist if we believe they are there? Yeah, I know. I'll explain more later.
So this week:
writewritewrite.
More interviews!
2 services.
Get after it!